Wonka Word Wednesday (5/30/12)

Wonka - (noun) - chocolate.  Wonka, not to be confused with the last name of Willy Wonka, is commonly used as a replacement for the word chocolate.  Due to this awe-inspiring ability, wonka is commonly used to make recipes sound more wonkalicious.  Common usage includes but is not limited to: wonkachips (chocolate chips), wonka-cream (chocolate ice cream), and wonkacake (chocolate cake).  In other words, wonka is used instead of chocolate because it recognizes the true author of the most enjoyable substance known to man.  Wonka can be used in any situation referring to chocolate; however, in order to preserve the good name of Willy Wonka, wonka should only be used in referring to higher quality chocolate.

Example - “What the Wonk!  We are out of wonka!”, Krutawn fumed as he feverishly scanned the pantry.

Note - As with most WonkaWords, wonka is greatly enhanced by the prefix “Willy-” or “William-” however, if the word is being spoken it can cause great confusion.  While common wonkarers are characterized by their wittiness, they lack an overall ability to discern WonkaWords in context.  Therefore, adding “Willy-” or “William-” to the beginning of “wonka” should only be in written form and should only be used when referring to Wonkalicious wonka.

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Wonka Word Wednesday (2/1/12)

“What da Wonk!” - (expression) - Easily the least used WonkaWord for its importance, “What da Wonk!” is primarily used in situations of fear, pain, or utter hopelessness.  The reason for its extreme under-use is the difficulty common wonkarers have in saying it correctly.  Proper pronunciation involves speaking the phrase slowly in a monotonic warble.  Go ahead, try it! “What da Wonk!” is by far the most situation specific WonkaWord and therefore its utter rarity is to be noted; however, whenever “What da Wonk!” is heard in public it either draws great compassion or extreme confusion, causing the hearer to not recognize its existence.  While this is a serious problem for most wonkarers, it is also the reason behind the creation of this list of WonkaWords--to promote the subtleties of Wonkessence.

Example - Upon walking into the dark and spooky house, Krutawn declared, “What da Wonk!”

Note - Unlike most WonkaWords, “What da Wonk!” is not enhanced by the prefix “Willy-” or “William-” however, it still should generally be followed by one or many exclamation points.  Also, it’s important to note that “What da Wonk!” should not be confused with “What the Wonk!”, which is used in situations of disgust and anger.

Variations - “Oh my William!” (expression), “What da Wonk Tonk!” (expression)

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Do You Hear What I Hear?

The real story behind everyone’s favorite Christmas carol, “Do You Hear What I Hear?”  The wonkatastically Woodroof addition. 

In order to achieve maximum enjoyment, you must first either decipher what voice each line should be sung in (based on movie/common saying), or read in the accent listed.  The original lyrics are in italics.

Accents

(c) – Cockney accent

(b) – Bi’ish accent

(p) – Po’per bi’ish accent

(k) – Krutawn’s voice

(o) – The Po’t Oxbay lady’s voice

Peeps:

N = narrator

NW = night wind

LL = little lamb

SB = shepherd boy

MK = mighty king

PE = people everywhere

(A lamb sits quietly in the field, about to fall asleep when a cool night wind rushes by.)

N(o) - Said the night wind to the little lamb 
NW(p) - Do you see what I see? 

N(o) – Said the little lamb to the night wind

LL(k) – What you see, crustie?

NW(p) - A star, a star 
NW(p) - Dancing in the night 
NW(p) - With a tail as big as….

LL - A ship…a cup…a ship…

NW(p) - …a kite

NW(p) - With a tail as big as a kite 

(Upon hearing this message, the lamb hurries to the farmhouse to speak with the shepherd boy.)

N(o) - Said the little lamb to the shepherd boy 
LL(p) - Do you hear what I hear? 
SB(b) – You’re a lamb!

LL – I’m a what?

SB(b) – You’re a lamb!

LL – I’m a what?

SB(b) – You can’t be talking to me cuz you’re a lamb!

LL – That’s not very nice…

SB(b) – Guess what…don’t care!

(The lamb walks away quietly.  His eyes wet, and his heart low… Until a squadron appeared like ghosts from the fog, a squadron unda’ French colas… this prompted the lamb to return and deliver his message once more.)

N(o) - Said the little lamb to the shepherd boy 
LL(p) - Do you hear what I hear? 
LL(p) - A song, a song 
LL(p) - High above the trees

SB(b) – You’re still ‘ere?

LL(c) – Ye’

SB(b) – Go away!

LL(b) – But I’m not finished!

SB – Leave now and never come back!

LL(c) – Wa?

SB – Leave now and never come back!

LL(c) – Wa!

SB – Leave now… and never COME BAAAACK!

LL(b) – Oooh, ok.  You’re sooooo coo’

(While the shepherd boy was annoyed at the lamb, he figured he could win some reward by telling the king the message that one of his sheep heard while sleeping.)

N(o) - Said the shepherd boy to the mighty king 
SB(b) - Do you know what I know? 

MK – Open your mouth a little wider when you speak.

SB(b) - In your palace warm, mighty king 
SB(b) - Do you know what I know? 

MK – I'm sorry, but all questions must be submitted in writing.

SB(b) – Wow, really?!?!  What rubbish!

MK – A little nonsense now and then is relished by the wisest men.

(Upon hearing this rather irrefutable logic from the king, the shepherd boy wrote down his message… which the king promptly read)

MK(k) - A Chi’, a Chi’ 
MK(k) - Shivers in da co’d?

SB(b) – Let’s bring him silver an go’d!

MK(p) – Oh yeah?

SB(c) – Yeah!

MK(p) Ok, how much?

MK – About nine? ...about eleven? ...about sixteen?

SB(b) – Two!

MK – Two! I can't figure out just two!

SB(b) – Well I don’ know how neiver!

MK – Well of course you don't know. You don't know because only I know. If you knew and I didn't know, then you'd be teaching me instead of me teaching you - and for a shepherd boy to be teaching his king is presumptuous and rude. Do I make myself clear?

(Dejected, and quite rejected as well, the shepherd boy went home to go listen to more stories form his sheep.)

(Excited about his plan to give the shivering child two gold, the mighty king decided to tell people everywhere.)

N(o) - Said the king to the people ev'rywhere 
MK(p) - Listen to what I say! 

N(o) – Said the people ev’rywhere to the mighty king

PE – Is it my soul that calls upon my name?
MK(p) Pray for peace, people ev’rywhere

PE(b) – But I don’t want to!

MK(b) – Do as I say!

PE(b) – It’s not fair!

MK(b) – I’m the king, so I’m in charge.  Do it!

PE(b) – Foin!

(With that unpleasant exchange out of the way, the king turned his attention back to the child)

MK(p) - The Child, the Child 
MK(p) - Sleeping in the night 

PE(b) – Whe’e?

MK(b) – How should I know?  The shepherd boy to’d me ‘bout ‘im.

PE(c) – What? 

PE(b) - You listened to a shepherd boy?

MK(c) - Yeah. 

MK(b) - His sheep to’d him the story really.

PE – Stupid nonsense

MK – No, Oompa loomas

PE(c) – Wha?

MK(b) – I fink the shepherd boy actually ‘erds oopma loompas

PE(b) – Well wha ta ‘bout ta baby?  What’cha gonna do ‘bout ‘im?

MK(b) – Well I fought we would bring ‘im some silver and go’d yeah?

PE(c) – Wha’!

PE(b) – How ‘bout some food yeah?

MK(b) – A wee bit of the ol’ tumtum eh?

PE(c) – Wha!

PE(b) – ‘ow ‘bout some milk?

MK – I hate milk

PE(k) – What’s wrong wit chu!

PE(k) – I can’t believe we have a lil’ crustie bump as our king!  That is messed up right ther!

(Similarly dejected, and rejected, as the shepherd boy, the king headed home without giving the shivering child any silver or gold.)

And now you know why the three wise men had to go.

Wonka Word Wednesday (12/7/11)

Wonkarer - (noun) - one of the multitude of Willy Wonka followers.  A wonkarer is a person who, for very good reason indeed, decides to devote their life to studying the wisdom of Willy Wonka and devoting their diet to consuming the chocolaty goodness that Willy Wonka creates.  Apart from running through city streets, subway stations, shopping centers, and amusement parks declaring the wonder of Willy Wonka, the typical wonkarer spends his time consuming vast amounts of chocolate.  The difficulty in recognizing a wonkarer in a crowd of people comes from the fact that that majority of people are in fact, wonkarers.  Unlike most WonkaWords, wonkarer is one of the few which was created in the original Wonkamentary making it unoriginal but also exorbitantly special.  

Origin - As many wonkarers remember, just before breaking into arguably the greatest song in wonka-history, Bill the candy-man tells the ever-inquisitive Winkelmann, “Just like Willy Wonka was born to be a candy man, you look like you were born to be a Wonkarer.”  Thus, the WonkaWord wonkarer was born.

Example - “When I grow up, I want to be a wonkarer,” Jabreel Awesome Gangster sighed.

Note - Unlike most WonkaWords, wonkarer is not enhanced by the prefix “Willy-” or “William-” since these prefixes create a much different WonkaWord.  

Variations - Wonkarers (plural)

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Wonka Word Wednesday (11/30/11)

Wonkalicious  - (adjective) - Similar to the English word “delicious” but without the “de” (which some find similar to the "de” in demote and degrade, which sounds nothing like delicious).  Wonkalicious is used when describing anything that is both delicious (usually food) and scrumdiddlyumptious.  Due to this amazing feat (of describing both a real word and another WonkaWord), wonkalicious is superior to any alternative way of describing deliciousness.  Despite this fact, wonkalicious should be used sparingly, as many edible items are nowhere near being worthy of being called wonkalicious.  

Example - Wonkabars are wonkalicious.

Note - As with most WonkaWords, wonkalicious is greatly enhanced by the prefix “Willy-” or “William-” and should generally be followed by one or many exclamation points.

Variations - wonkaliciousness (noun), wonkaliciously (adv)

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Wonka Word Wednesday (11/9/11)

“What the Wonk!” - (expression) - Similar in origin, form, meaning, and sound to “What da Bump!”, “What the Wonk!” is primarily an expression used to demonstrate great distress or frustration. While common usage is limited to scenarios dealing with a lack of resources (primarily food), “What the Wonk!” can be used in any situation to denote emotions ranging from simple displeasure to uncontrolled rage. “What the Wonk!” should not be confused with confusingly similar “What da Wonk!” which is used to express sadness, pain, or worry. In recent culture, “What the Wonk!” has become far too common and lost much of it’s meaning.

Example - Upon realizing there was no more milk, Krutawn exclaimed, “What the Wonk!”

Note - Unlike most WonkaWords, “What the Wonk!” is not enhanced by the prefix “Willy-” or “William-” however, it still should generally be followed by one or many exclamation points.

Variations - “What the William!” (expression), “What the Wonk is wrong with you?!?!” (expression)

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Wonka Words

After many weeks of forgetting to post my weekly Facebook Wonka Words, I have decided to post them here.  All the posts will be linked below.

WonkaWord
Wonkatastic
"What the Wonk!"
Wonkalicious
Wonkarer
"What da Wonk!"
wonka