Do You Hear What I Hear?

The real story behind everyone’s favorite Christmas carol, “Do You Hear What I Hear?”  The wonkatastically Woodroof addition. 

In order to achieve maximum enjoyment, you must first either decipher what voice each line should be sung in (based on movie/common saying), or read in the accent listed.  The original lyrics are in italics.

Accents

(c) – Cockney accent

(b) – Bi’ish accent

(p) – Po’per bi’ish accent

(k) – Krutawn’s voice

(o) – The Po’t Oxbay lady’s voice

Peeps:

N = narrator

NW = night wind

LL = little lamb

SB = shepherd boy

MK = mighty king

PE = people everywhere

(A lamb sits quietly in the field, about to fall asleep when a cool night wind rushes by.)

N(o) - Said the night wind to the little lamb 
NW(p) - Do you see what I see? 

N(o) – Said the little lamb to the night wind

LL(k) – What you see, crustie?

NW(p) - A star, a star 
NW(p) - Dancing in the night 
NW(p) - With a tail as big as….

LL - A ship…a cup…a ship…

NW(p) - …a kite

NW(p) - With a tail as big as a kite 

(Upon hearing this message, the lamb hurries to the farmhouse to speak with the shepherd boy.)

N(o) - Said the little lamb to the shepherd boy 
LL(p) - Do you hear what I hear? 
SB(b) – You’re a lamb!

LL – I’m a what?

SB(b) – You’re a lamb!

LL – I’m a what?

SB(b) – You can’t be talking to me cuz you’re a lamb!

LL – That’s not very nice…

SB(b) – Guess what…don’t care!

(The lamb walks away quietly.  His eyes wet, and his heart low… Until a squadron appeared like ghosts from the fog, a squadron unda’ French colas… this prompted the lamb to return and deliver his message once more.)

N(o) - Said the little lamb to the shepherd boy 
LL(p) - Do you hear what I hear? 
LL(p) - A song, a song 
LL(p) - High above the trees

SB(b) – You’re still ‘ere?

LL(c) – Ye’

SB(b) – Go away!

LL(b) – But I’m not finished!

SB – Leave now and never come back!

LL(c) – Wa?

SB – Leave now and never come back!

LL(c) – Wa!

SB – Leave now… and never COME BAAAACK!

LL(b) – Oooh, ok.  You’re sooooo coo’

(While the shepherd boy was annoyed at the lamb, he figured he could win some reward by telling the king the message that one of his sheep heard while sleeping.)

N(o) - Said the shepherd boy to the mighty king 
SB(b) - Do you know what I know? 

MK – Open your mouth a little wider when you speak.

SB(b) - In your palace warm, mighty king 
SB(b) - Do you know what I know? 

MK – I'm sorry, but all questions must be submitted in writing.

SB(b) – Wow, really?!?!  What rubbish!

MK – A little nonsense now and then is relished by the wisest men.

(Upon hearing this rather irrefutable logic from the king, the shepherd boy wrote down his message… which the king promptly read)

MK(k) - A Chi’, a Chi’ 
MK(k) - Shivers in da co’d?

SB(b) – Let’s bring him silver an go’d!

MK(p) – Oh yeah?

SB(c) – Yeah!

MK(p) Ok, how much?

MK – About nine? ...about eleven? ...about sixteen?

SB(b) – Two!

MK – Two! I can't figure out just two!

SB(b) – Well I don’ know how neiver!

MK – Well of course you don't know. You don't know because only I know. If you knew and I didn't know, then you'd be teaching me instead of me teaching you - and for a shepherd boy to be teaching his king is presumptuous and rude. Do I make myself clear?

(Dejected, and quite rejected as well, the shepherd boy went home to go listen to more stories form his sheep.)

(Excited about his plan to give the shivering child two gold, the mighty king decided to tell people everywhere.)

N(o) - Said the king to the people ev'rywhere 
MK(p) - Listen to what I say! 

N(o) – Said the people ev’rywhere to the mighty king

PE – Is it my soul that calls upon my name?
MK(p) Pray for peace, people ev’rywhere

PE(b) – But I don’t want to!

MK(b) – Do as I say!

PE(b) – It’s not fair!

MK(b) – I’m the king, so I’m in charge.  Do it!

PE(b) – Foin!

(With that unpleasant exchange out of the way, the king turned his attention back to the child)

MK(p) - The Child, the Child 
MK(p) - Sleeping in the night 

PE(b) – Whe’e?

MK(b) – How should I know?  The shepherd boy to’d me ‘bout ‘im.

PE(c) – What? 

PE(b) - You listened to a shepherd boy?

MK(c) - Yeah. 

MK(b) - His sheep to’d him the story really.

PE – Stupid nonsense

MK – No, Oompa loomas

PE(c) – Wha?

MK(b) – I fink the shepherd boy actually ‘erds oopma loompas

PE(b) – Well wha ta ‘bout ta baby?  What’cha gonna do ‘bout ‘im?

MK(b) – Well I fought we would bring ‘im some silver and go’d yeah?

PE(c) – Wha’!

PE(b) – How ‘bout some food yeah?

MK(b) – A wee bit of the ol’ tumtum eh?

PE(c) – Wha!

PE(b) – ‘ow ‘bout some milk?

MK – I hate milk

PE(k) – What’s wrong wit chu!

PE(k) – I can’t believe we have a lil’ crustie bump as our king!  That is messed up right ther!

(Similarly dejected, and rejected, as the shepherd boy, the king headed home without giving the shivering child any silver or gold.)

And now you know why the three wise men had to go.